Every Ted Season 2 Episode, Ranked

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Ted might not currently be planning a return for a third season with Peacock, but thankfully Season 2 is an incredibly packed slate of episodes. It’s a very strong season of TV, and even more impressive considering it follows up such a standout debut season as well. But not all of the episodes in Ted Season 2 are equal, and there are some that are much better than the others. Read on below for Ted Season 2 ranked from least best to best.

Courtesy of Peacock

8). The Sword in the Stoned

There are a few self-contained episodes that don’t really have huge impacts on the family dynamic, but one of the more strangest examples in Ted Season 2 is “The Sword in the Stoned.” John and Ted’s story is fun enough as John gets into acting in order to have something to put on college applications, but Matty and Susan’s side story is what ultimately keeps this from being great.

Outside of being a huge advertisement for Dunkin’ Donuts, it’s also the episode that has a deepfake Bill Clinton played by Seth MacFarlane. It’s a funny pull out the rug from under you kind of reveal to help end the episode, but it’s just so much odder than everything else this season that it just all sticks out like a sore thumb.

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7). The Mom’s Bombed Rom-Com

“The Mom’s Bombed Rom-Com” has some huge ramifications for Blaire, Matty, and Susan, but you’d never really know it thanks to the fact that it’s an episode that has an odd amount of focus on John and Ted as they two of them try to go on a double date with some elderly women. It’s an offshoot of Ted lying to John about Blaire in the beginning, but does take an admittedly funny spin from John as he desperately tries for any kind of connection with a woman at this point.

It’s an emotional episode otherwise as Blaire works through a break up, Matty cries for the first time, and Susan starts to drink away her loneliness, and the three of them all resolve these issues in some truly compelling ways. It’s such a wild juxtaposition between the two of them that only Ted can pull it off, but it’s still not better than the wackier or more emotional offerings.

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6). Mrs. Robichek

“Mrs. Robichek” feels like a quintessential 1990s raunchy plot, and Ted ends up having an affair with an older neighbor. But Ted is so great at skewing these kinds of ideas and taking them further to a new level. It’s not just that Ted is having an affair that’s the core of the joke, it’s the fact that it’s used as a way for Matty to confront all of the self-doubt he has about his place in society after helping out such a rich couple. And that resolution comes in the form of Mr. Robichek offering him money to see watch Matty in the midst of physical intimacy.

Ted has crafted such a weird world for itself that such a wild idea can totally make sense within the series. Each character trouble is handled with the care that you would hope, yet it’s still a silly show where Ted is going to sport a wild accessory for one of the wildest visuals. And yet it doesn’t shake the core at all.

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5). Fraudcast News

If this ends up being not just the final episode of Ted Season 2, but the final episode of the Peacock series overall, it’s not a bad one to go out on. It does take a bit of a knock, however, as it’s the weaker of the two episodes solely focused on Matty. The finale sees him having a heart attack after being angry at John for being such a loser after high school, and John and Ted try to help him by literally creating a week’s worth of fake news reports (on print and TV) to keep Matty from finding out the O.J. Simpson verdict and having another attack.

It’s yet another finale that incorporates O.J. Simpson, and shows that John indeed does have potential as his father recognizes how much work he puts into fake news. The final moments of the finale do sour it all a bit as it ties back into the events of the films, and reminds you that this sweet boy is supposed to turn into Mark Wahlberg. It’s still fun (John makes the choice to get swole out of nowhere), but hard not to shake that bittersweet ending.

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4). Talk Dirty to Me

By comparison, “Talk Dirty to Me” is a fantastic reintroduction to Ted to kick off Season 2. It’s a rather small school adventure that sees John and Ted using a sex hotline at school, and by the end of it all it’s exploded to full blown cartoon shenanigans. This is an episode packed with a ton of jokes, but also makes time to expand on Matty and Blaire’s connection with the introduction of Matty’s abusive older brother. He’s also Blaire’s father, so fans get much more of why Blaire is living with John’s family in the first place.

But through this fans get to know Matty on a different level, and it’s the strongest look at his character in the series overall. Then John and Ted go full blown cartoon to solve their own issues, and invent a stuntman new student who quickly takes over the school (complete with Family Guy-esque gag where John hides his injuries). It’s just such a fun and self-contained comeback that emphasizes why this all works so well.

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3). Roe vs. Weed

There are some huge “topic” episodes in Ted Season 2, but “Roe vs Weed’s” focus on abortion was handled with a ton of care. Not only does Blaire rightfully gain much of the focus of the episode as she deals with making a very important decision for her body, but the episode is also able to have her explain why it’s a decision that is ultimately not up for debate. It even challenges Blaire’s connection with Susan, but doesn’t change either of them at their core to do so. They come to a rather adult resolution.

This is also another one of those episodes where Ted balances its heaviness with outright buffoonery, and it’s hard not to love John and Ted pretending to be “Abortion Machine Repairmen” and then getting cartoonishly mauled for how they fire up the protestors. When it’s all over, then you realize the kind of comedic balancing act it was able to pay off.

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2). Dungeons & Dealers

Even if you haven’t seen Ted Season 2, it’s highly likely you’ve heard about its Dungeons & Dragons tribute episode. It’s for good reason too as like many of the more famous episodes from other TV shows like it, it uses Dungeons & Dragons to put the characters in a fun new world. John, Ted, and Blaire all want more marijuana, but only way to get it by buying it from a Dungeon Master they convince to let them play out the story he wrote. Susan and Matty get involved hoping to keep John away from drugs, and it all snowballs from there.

“Dungeons & Dealers” not only makes sure to apply Dungeons & Dragons rules to how it plays out through the episode, and while it’s not completely 1-to-1 (as characters clearly react to the world and see things they usually wouldn’t), it’s the only real episode of the season where the entire family is all involved in the plot and heading for the same goal. It even finds a really fun and sweet way to end the story to prove how Susan is the best character, and that really goes a long way.

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1). Susan Is the New Black

Speaking of, “Susan Is the New Black” is hands down the best episode in Ted Season 2 and maybe the entire series. Alanna Ubach’s Susan is the unsung hero of the show, and Season 2 really leans into the fact that Susan has resolved herself to her life. In an incredibly selfless move, she goes to jail for ten days to take the blame for John’s $200 worth of marijuana. But she does this because she doesn’t want John to ruin his life for such a mistake.

Susan’s lovable nature also makes her a hit in prison, and the rest of the family falls apart in their absence. John and Ted realize just how much more important Susan is, and Susan coldly admits that she’s not going anywhere. It’s one of the darkest, yet comedic endings in the entire series and Ubach absolutely nails it. If there’s one episode you see in Ted Season 2, make sure it’s this one.

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